Simply Ichitantei, Zen Meditation Changed My Life: The Story of Unsui, Hōkan Ashida

I decided,
“The life of constantly wanting to do this or that is over. From now on, to return this debt of gratitude, I will live for something other than myself, for my father, for my mother, for my family and friends, for those connected to me by fate in this temple, for those I have had connections with in the past or that I will connect with in the future.”

Despite the pain, cold, sleepiness and sadness, even as I cried and my nose ran, I kept meditating, focusing on the breath of life, turning into the breath itself, becoming aware of my devoted, self-sacrificing body, the selfless love of all my cells, the sanctity of life. I was able to become aware.

I was enthralled, turned around by Buddha’s arrangement of this world, with gratitude towards my parents for giving me this precious life, to the parents of my parents and onwards.
It was as if a glass were being filled with water, drop by drop.

Love of the world, love of the universe, this unconditional love had permeated deep inside my heart, slowly, taking its own time. I finally came to terms with it.

One day I told the chief priest,
“I no longer feel like leaving the temple to live and work in the secular world outside”
While saying this, I had unconsciously made a fist with my right hand, placed this to the left side of my belly and moved it to the right.
“Seppuku?”
I surprised myself with my own gesture.

“So you’ve made up your mind.”
The chief priest asked me whether I would become a priest.
“Yes.”
I replied back with a loud and low voice from the bottom of my chest.

“Welcome to Arthur Findlay College.”
The voice which came from deep inside the heart had changed my life, taking it in a different direction.